Facebook Groups :' Don't Want them To be Upset' Day 2

The 'I Don't Want Them To Be Upset' Personality 

and the different personalities i have become

in a group setting

What is Self-forgiveness?

Self-forgiveness and Self-Correction

The Conscious Mind - Thoughts:

'How will i let them know about this without them getting upset?'

 The 'Fear of getting Other's Upset' Character  

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting others upset - as i believe that all people in the group should be happy - defining happiness as more than me and me less than myself - defining sadness less than me and me more than myself - within fear of others getting angry/upset - defining myself within the 'i fear others will get angry' character - where i have a memory of how when i experienced happiness within my family in the past - there was lots of laughter, smiles and no one is getting angry - everyone agrees to what i say, what i do and so i was happy with who i am as a mind character - not wanting to change - this is how i defined myself within happiness -  my dad making jokes in the living room and kitchen, saying, ' come here 'palangga' or 'my favorite child', tell your sister and brother how you get good grades in school because they are not getting good grades - and then he would tell my brother and sister how i am better and that he would rather have one child and that is me - defining myself within the 'my dad's favorite' character - through this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within happiness - and within this, fear the opposite polarity which is sadness - which i defined within anger - where when members of the  family like my mom or dad gets angry, i felt sad - through this, I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being sad - where i became sad when my mom and dad became angry or is in disagreement with each other - where i connected anger and disagreements to me as a mind character not having the support that i need to exist as a happy character in a family - and noticed that when they get angry they scold my sister or brother or became critical of them - so me having fear of being scolded or made less than within my position of being more than my brother and sister in the family - defining myself within the 'inferiority' character - where when others give me compliments that i am good or that i am more than others and then when that somebody or someone criticize me - i get upset and suppress it - defining myself within the 'unexpressed resentment' character - which i interpret as someone making me less than others - which is when i am being told 'i am wrong' - defining myself within the 'i am wrong - no you're wrong' character - within that define myself within the 'i am spiting you because you said i am wrong' character - and when i am being told i am not good enough - and within this the desire to prove i am good comes in - defining myself within the 'i will do good and i will make you wrong' character - within which lies the 'how dare you make me wrong- i am angry at you' character or go into the opposite polarity where i believe i am wrong and so doubt myself - defining myself within the 'self-doubt' character,and when i lose my job and told that i have no job which i connected to a belief that when they know i do not have a job - they will see me as less than others - judging others with money as more than me and me less than myself defining myself within the 'no money - you are nothing' character - within which i become apathetic to looking for a job - within trying to rebel against the idea of - working to survive believing that work is slavery to the system therefore control - defining me within the 'don't make me work - that's control' character - and within this believing that rebelling in the system is good and being a follower of the system is bad - defining myself within the 'rebellious - activist against work' character - where within this i find that working for others is me being enslaved by others - defining myself within the 'i hate working for others' character - where within this is the belief that working for myself is ideal - defining myself within the 'i like being self-employed' character - where within this the belief is that working for someone i am not in control - defining myself within the 'when i am not in control - i am sad' character and working for myself i have freedom - defining myself within the 'when i have freedom i am happy' character - and looking at what is underlying this i can see that control is when i cannot be the mind character that i am - defining me within the 'changing because the boss says so - spite' character and freedom is when i am allowed to be the mind character that i am - never stepping out of that character - defining myself within the 'not changing for my boss- i am the boss - happy' character - where within this is an excuse - a justification tho stay as the mind character to continue surviving as the ego/ mind character - and going back to when my dad tells me i have to get a job - when i think it is really time for me to get a job because i have to pay bills, and no one will assist me anymore - i will do all i can to just find a job and work it - it does not matter what it is - defining myself within the 'survival needs to pay bills' character - where within this is spite to have to go through all the things i do not want to do - say yes to whatever the boss says - in spite of myself- defining myself within ' i spite me for being in this unequal system' character , the system - where i defined myself within the 'i spite the system for having to make me work in this system of abuse' character and the boss - defining me within the 'i spite the boss for having more money than me - to enslave me - blame' character - where within this is anger that i cannot really be who i am and express as who i am as what i am and support all as me as equals - which then becomes anger to an external entity separate than me - as the system- defining myself within the 'angry with the system because i have to work - blame' character - where instead of assisting in establishing a new system based on equality - i choose to become angry to the system which i see as an external entity separate from me - and going back to the things that i do not like to hear my dad say - i have a memory of where about a year or so ago where broke off with my partner and found a new partner and because i was remarried 4x before - i heard my dad say words like 'you are a prostitute why do you have so many relationships having so many marriages that ended and you keep getting into new relationships' - which i connected into a picture of me being a saint and being told i am a sinner and my face is not affected by it because i have a picture of who i have become where i defined myself within the 'saint- finding another saint as a partner' character

 just wanting to find the right partner - defining myself within the 'i am not following our culture - rebellious' ' character - where knowing that people frown on people getting remarried many times in our culture, i feel i owe it to myself to have freedom to find the right partner - defining myself within the 'finding the perfect partner' character  - where my concept of self is based on evolution of me as the mind character from a point of less than to a point of more than - within relationships - defining myself within the 'evolving in relationship with a perfect man- ideal' character - believing that there is an ideal man - defining myself within the 'ideal man' character 

so going back to that scene where my dad was telling me that i am a 'prostitute' having remarried 4x, and me being apathetic convinced i am a just finding the perfect partner -i can see that i judged prostitutes as less than me and me more than myself - defining myself within the 'i am not a prostitute - they are bad and i am good' character  - which came from  me believing that having sex with so many men for money as bad and having sex with a man within marriage is good - where i judged marriage as more than me and me less than myself - and sex without marriage as bad - defining me within 'sex without marriage is bad - morality' character and sex without marriage with money in exchange - as doubly bad  - defining me within 'sex without marriage and being paid by that someone is doubly bad - morality' character and - sex with no marriage, sex with money in exchange and sex with multiple men are triply bad - defining me within 'sex with money, no marriage, multiple partners is 3x bad - morality' character - which is how i see a prostitute - and believing that me having sex within marriage, with only one man 'forever and ever till death do us part' and money being exchanged in the marriage household within conjugal ownership' and with both the families of the groom and bride agreeing to the relationship and the society agreeing to the relationship - is 4x good  - defining myself within the 'best relationhip - 4x checked as good - morality' character 

and which i believe makes the prostitue's status as 4x bad because i believed that her having sex with men without the agreement of the parents of parents from both parties and the society giving permission for them to have sex -makes it 4x bad - defining myself within the 'worse character - 4x checked as bad - morality' character -   where sex was given a positive and negative value depending on the value i give to marriage, money, agreement by family and agreement by the society on what is right or wrong - and judging the physical body according to what it does which had been given a positive and negative value according to ones beliefs - as right or wrong within our culture/ society which was labeled under the words morality and ethics - creating fear to do that which is labeled as morally wrong - and desiring that which is labeled as morally right - when within this one unconsciously steps in and play out the character one fears - defining myself within the ' i know what i did was morally wrong - guilty' character - or when one desires approval from others do that which is defined as 'morally right' - defining myself within the 'i know what i did was morally right - righteous' character - where one becomes a power source that charges the battery - within giving ones experience a positive or a negative energy charge - when sex is a physical expression that involves the expression of/as the body - which comes from the same substance all are made of - equal to all that exist - so let's walk back a bit and look at how i see the words my father said - which i connected to what i heard him say when he was telling my sister and my brother how disgusted he was about their grades, how disgusted he was and angry when he saw them go out of the house without permission - defining myself within the as i have watched my brother and sister's faces suppress sadness when they are being scolded and spanked for violating the house rules - and fearing that i will be subjected to that pain - defining myself within the 'i fear pain - being whipped with a belt' character and humiliation being watched by other family members being whipped and punished for what one did  - defining myself within the 'i fear humiliation - family members watching' character - so i believed i have to control the environment within the family by manipulating the characters within it - so i will be sure those that i fear will not happen - defining myself within the 'controlling' character - to always be happy - so if my sister is sad, i would give her a joke which i know will make her smile and i did the same with all members of my family - within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the humiliated character - where within this i will try to regain control by playing out the 'controlling' character - through this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to make sure nobody in the family gets out of character - so i have characters around me that support my character creation - defining myself within the 'i am watching all making sure all are happy - suspicion' character - being suspicious of someone being sad and lonely and cheering them up so they will support the 'happy family' system that i am bound to protect as it supports the character i am living - defining myself within the 'i belong to a happy family' character

 - where to for me to do this i will have to suppress myself - within blame - an unexpressed resentment that remained with/as me - which i did not see at that time because i am not here - i am trapped as the personality pretending to be happy - defining myself within the 'pretentious' character - and the family supporting all this - also making sure that all behaves and follow the leader - my mom and dad - to within this we all support our mind character creations - as alternate versions of ourselves interacting with one another - to never step out of character - within self-sabotage - defining myself within the 'wanting happiness self-sabotage' character not having a chance to birth self here - as who we really are as the real characters saying, 'this is who i am and as what i am expressing myself here to unconditionally support you as me' - walking out of the noise in my head as fears and desires etc. to hear what is here as the physical -  expressing oneself as the eternal substance that is the physical here - the characters that i am playing in a movie within my mind within the family is the same mind character that is the character in the same movie that is being given life within me as the mind character - when i interact with different people within a group setting - playing out the 'humiliation' character as i fear being humiliated when put in a spot where i am being told to do something that i know is not who i really am - yet driven by the need to control the environment i am in to be in a happy group where all the members are happy interacting with one another - i suppress myself within blame - defining myself within the 'suppressing fear of sadness- controlling others' character - where i have ideas about how a group is to be run to make sure everyone remains the characters that they have become  -  defining myself within the  'make sure all are happy' character - and when the other members are not giving me what i want - and i cannot have that positive energy experience that i am expecting to get from the group in terms of a happy go lucky fun interaction - i will blame the other members for the sadness i am experiencing - defining myself within the 'i feel sad - blaming you' character - within spite - not realizing i created it myself.

===

Realization

I realise that i do not need to have a positive energy experience - as i am  playing a winning and losing game within this desire to be happy and fear of being sad - so i act in a way that others will not get upset - suppressing my expression as who i am - when the eternal substance as me as the body/physical - as flesh - as blood - is here. I am the breath in every moment - experiencing reality within touch, sensations and movement- and enjoying myself within who i am and what i am expressing myself here. 

Self-Commitment

I commit myself to when and as i see myself thinking about how i can say something without getting others upset - suppressing my expression in writing and speaking so that other members of the group will not get upset, i stop - i breathe. I bring myself back here - in/as the physical and redefine words, clear my starting point before i write and speak - and unconditionally express myself as who i am and what i am here.

I commit myself to delete the presence of memories as pictures, as desires etc. within and as myself and let go of the separation that exist within and as myself as desires, pictures etc. within and as myself and stand with the physical breath by breath moment by moment. 

What To Do With Facebook Groups Day 1

This is a blog about me taking self-responsibility for resisting the closing of one of my Fb groups which is me as the personality resisting something according to what i know not from a starting point of what is best for all.

What Is Self-forgiveness?

Self-forgiveness Statements:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to doubt that i am going against my will - within spite - defining myself within the 'spiteful' character - when i wrote down as a reason ' The merging will facilitate administration of the group' as i was told that this is the reason why we are merging' - and as i forgive myself that instead of stopping the spite within and as myself within the moment i allowed myself to write these words in spite as i did not allow myself to look at the point effectively and see the commonsense within closing a Facebook group - But instead i wanted 'my groups' to remain open as i had invested so much time in them- 

Yet  justified my self-righteousness by saying that 'i know taking responsibility is about stopping something that is 'getting bigger' to do what it takes to be there to administer when needed - doubting myself at this point -defining myself within the 'i doubt that i am doing the right thing' character 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify my participation in blame - within self-righteousness - by believing that the reason for dissolving the group is based from an idea of what effective means - defining myself within the 'i believe this is not right' character 

  

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not take self-responsibility in redefining words - where i suggested to look at redefining the words 'effective', 'participate' etc. - where i am not taking self-responsibility as who i am here - rather, asking someone separate from me to take self- responsibility in my behalf - defining myself within the 'they should take responsibility' character

and through this i forgive myself that i did not take the time to understand what the word 'effective' means or participate means in relation to running a Facebook group but instead accepted and allowed myself to blame others for my experience that they are 'taking away' what i had claimed to be 'mine'

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have an idea of when groups should be dissolved and why according to Scientology theories - which is when it does not have members and it is not contributing to the good of the organization which is the product of the whole organization - which is profit -  that i believed is true as when i was working with them before and when every product of each department in the organization is equated to more people and more money for the organization - where we at that time had a safety department that is handling the safety department - which position or person in charge's duty is to safeguard the safety of the organization while the public relations people do their job of promoting the organization by creating venues where people can join the organization - which i likened to groups - being public relations groups - which i applied and found that it worked for me and which makes sense from the point of 'logic' - defining myself within the 'Scientology logic' character and 

thus did not accept and allow what it means when i keep a group open, when it is effectively administered - which i justified within blame and righteousness that it is right because i applied it before

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the people making the decisions are deciding from a mind character point not applying the process in this endeavor separate from me - judging them as less than me and me more than myself - defining myself within the 'belief i know and they don't' character not seeing and realizing that i am the one who is acting from a 'mind character' as i had created an emotional attachment to the groups and i am unwilling to let go - even when faced by the practicality of seeing that the participation  within the group is not effective - as i through the 'Scientology logic' character - believed within blame -  self-righteousness and justifying me as a character - that the public relations function which is the lifeblood of the organization - having people come in and do intoductory courses from that department which will then contribute to the product of the organization - which i was told is money and profit in the long term - not seeing and realising that i am the one who is acting from a 'mind character'  as i had created an emotional attachment to the groups and i am unwilling to let go - even when i am faced by the practicality of seeing that the participation within the group is not effective

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the ones deciding are deciding from a point of separation and judging me as not wanting to dissolve the group - and getting stuck in that point - believing that they cannot see what i am saying and what it means to delete 50 members including members of my group who are not even asking me to be deleted from the group - defining me within the 'belief i have  experienced it and they haven't' character - where i judged them as less than me - defined by experience within an organization applying the principles that i believe and seeing they worked  - so seeing me as more than them - by virtue of my experience in applying the principles of Scientology - which i believed was superior because all department products and division products collectively contribute to the product of the organization as a whole

Through this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge the ones making the decision as a mind character thinking they know what they are doing when they have not cleared the words they speak - yet speak as if they really know what they are talking about - defining myself as the 'they are wrong' character - judging the ones who do not redefine words as less than myself and me as more than myself as i have redefined words - not seeing realizing and understanding that i have not fully lived my words - defining myself within the 'i am righteous' character 

- within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to specialize my group outside Fb and judge them as more than myself - where  the fear of them being upset when i say something came from - and believe that they are the givers of true information and judge the members of the group that do not belong to my group as receiver of true information - defining myself within the 'we are the saviour of this world' character.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to within believing i know how organizations work i am superior to those who do not know how organizations work in a way that all products align to the overall product of the whole organization - defining myself within the 'i know about organizations' character  - where within that presumption i become blind to what is here - in self-dishonesty - blurring reality which is from a desire of not creating conflict - defining myself withing the ' i fear conflict - so desire to not create conflict' character - so within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hope that someone will agree with me - defining myself within the 'hope' character - and within that fear that they will not agree with me  - defining myself within 'fear of disagreement' character - where then i doubt myself - defining myself within the 'doubt' character - wanting to understand what is going on - trusting the mind within logic - defining myself within the 'i trust Scientology logic - because it worked for me- knowlege' character - where when all else fail logic saved me - defining myself within the 'logic is my savior - save face - inferior' character - where this logic that i have under my sleeves defines me - as superior to others - defining myself within the 'superior because of Scientology knowledge - knowledge' character - blamiing the people i work with - and hoping that the information i have and acknowleged as true - they will embrace and acknowledge as when they do - i will emerge as a winner - defining myself within the 'i am the winner - judge' character - where i am always right - instead of directing self effectively in what self is seeing in that moment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that merging the group with another group is a change in the name and it does not do anything - judging the decision to merge as 'wrong' - defining myself within the 'i am right' character and having a starting point based on a desire – 

And i forgive myself that i did  not see, realise and understand that it is my desire of wanting to keep the group that is saying 'i am right' - so that i will have different characters supporting me to exist as a mind character - trying to find all the justifications for why i should not close the group instead of allowing myself to look at the consequential outflowsof what it means to keep a group open that is not being directed effectively.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the decision made by those making it is careless - defining myself within the 'careless' character- believing i will have to be part of the consequence in this decision because i have to go through the process of deleting all these members - defining myself within the 'i don't want consequence' character believing they themselves were not given a choice - defining myself within the 'i believe they have a choice ' character believing that the decision to merge the group, the choice was made by a few in their behalf -believing that this is just satisfying their desire based on self-interest - defining myself within the 'you're evil and i am a saint' character and within that judge the decision as 'wrong' and the decision makers are doing it from the starting point of self-interest - within blame and self-righteousness - defining myself within the ' the people has a choice - i am good ' character as i believed that they have not asked the people - defining myself within the 'i make right decisions and your decision is wrong' character - within blame - defining myself within the 'i am right and you're wrong - blame' character - where i abdicate my self-responsibility in the consequences of my own actions

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when someone from the group email me in private and not within what i suggested as a group email - that that someone is hiding something - defining myself within the 'hiding' character - where within this i am blaming the group member- defining myself within the 'you're hiding- blame' charcter  

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that within this interaction with members of my group in closing the Fb group - as in the decision makers - i will be able to see how it is to interact with others doing the process - in separation - defining myself within the 'observer' character - within blame

Goups : I as All I's

GROUPS

I realised 'I' am interacting with all the characters that 'I' have become mirrored by 'others' within my group. This blog series is about me as all.

Welcome

 Thank you for visiting and looking at my process of self-perfection using self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application.